Just read this fascinating column (sparked by a web-post) by Oliver Burkeman of the Guardian about how cultural influences lead to misunderstandings between people.
“We are raised, the theory runs, in one of two cultures. In Ask culture, people grow up believing they can ask for anything – a favour, a pay rise– fully realising the answer may be no. In Guess culture, by contrast, you avoid “putting a request into words unless you’re pretty sure the answer will be yes…Neither’s “wrong”, but when an Asker meets a Guesser, unpleasantness results. An Asker won’t think it’s rude to request two weeks in your spare room, but a Guess culture person will hear it as presumptuous and resent the agony involved in saying no…”
Its obviously a spectrum, but this really resonates for me. Personally I have to work really hard to ask for anything, even though I know deep down that you won’t get it if you don’t ask for it. I’ve been thinking its a gender thing (as in the book, “Women Don’t Ask,”) but if you add in understanding our cultural differences I bet a lot of hurt feelings could be avoided.
